| Ok so I’m twenty and have many questions left unanswered; just what is the perfect length for body hair? Can verrucas really be classed as a sexually transmitted infection? Will ‘Brookside’ ever come back to channel four?
I found the answer to one of my questions above, the body hair one. Well if like me you weren’t taught the answer to this in a sex education lesson, you might be interested to know that my friend has told me that apparently a number one on your pubes, and a number two on body hair is the answer, any will be sufficient enough not to make anyone cringe when you next take off your coat and reveal your tight white vest top the next time you pop down Canal Street. But then your next dilemma ‘where do I find the time, not only to go and buy some clippers but also to trim yourself in the dark folds of skin that you never knew you had’ the answer is simple……GAYDAR.COM.
As being gay means that you’ll most probably have a strange fetish, it wont be long before you log on and find someone who is into shaving or another hair removing activity. Simply get chatting and explain your situation (you can log on at work during your dinner hour whilst you send Mary from Human Resources out to get you a Starbucks coffee, explaining to her it’s in her job description and thus saving you much needed time) and arrange for him to pop round that evening for a quick cut and blow followed by an evening of Victoria Wood repeats on Living T.V. Result; your body hair is now in check, you’ve had a nice evening of company (I mean Victoria Wood, not the freak with the clippers) and you’ve given a stranger enough action to really turn him on without having to dry clean your new sheets from ‘Habitat’, leaving you free to go out and find someone you really fancy and not having to worry about a pubic outcropping.
So you’ve done the above and the next night you fall in love with Pedro who’s an Italian exchange student you met whilst standing in line for the toilet as you think using the urinals is too common. Two months have passed and Pedro decided to stay in England to be with you, only one night he comes home with a verruca. Which you think nothing of but should you? Or am I being a compulsive over thinker? Let me explain. Verrucas are caught from places such as swimming pools, changing rooms and saunas, and you have to come into contact with a persons foot, which means Pedro hasn’t got any socks on, the chances are he’s nothing else on to.
Now you know Pedro doesn’t have a gym membership and despite his athletes body, can’t swim, therefore the only logical explanation left is a trip down to the local sauna when you’d gone to visit your mother, who still thinks the term gay just makes you a very happy boy. We all know what men do at saunas which backs up my question are vurrucas an STI?
Which leaves me with one question, will ‘Brookside’ ever come back to channel four? Well ‘Crossroads’ came back, so I’m guessing anything is possible. |
