If you’ve been trying to get rid of an annoying friend that you no longer want hanging out with your clique the answer is simple. Get him a boyfriend.

There is an unspoken, almost invisible divide between singles and couples. This became clear to me one day while I was out and about and I ran into my friend, Andy, and his boyfriend, both of whom I hadn’t seen in eight months. I was surprised to see how genuinely overjoyed Andy was to see me as I had assumed he disappeared because he didn’t like me anymore. We greeted and I congratulated them on making it this far in their relationship.

We said our goodbyes and pleasantly made plans that both of us knew would never happen. This is not an isolated incident. Thinking back to all the friends I’ve lost contact with I now realize that our friendships dissipated as soon as they’re relationships got serious. This doesn’t happen overnight, but after a while you can see your coupled friends straining to assemble plans involving both their boyfriend and friends as if it’s a chore.

At first couples stop coming out to the bars and clubs, which is understandable, but soon they begin to miss get-togethers, holidays and even birthdays. Phone calls become few-and-far between and eventually stop all together. My cell’s phonebook is a graveyard of people’s numbers I never use anymore. They virtually dropped off the face of the planet. I’m not a total victim here because it’s true, I stopped calling them too, but after so many cancellations, excuses and no-shows the logical thing to do is give up.

Anyone can tell you that the two lifestyles are very different, but what I don’t understand is how it can so easily escalate into no contact at all. Could it be that single friends become as useless and excessive as someone buying a home with their partner but still keeping his bachelor apartment?

To save myself from sounding like a bitter, whiney, single fag I grab my cell and decide to do a little test. It’s midday on Thursday, which ensured I would get all answering machines, and I leave messages for six names from the graveyard. Three single friends and three coupled ones. By Friday night all three of my single friends returned my call but a week later still no response from any of my coupled friends.

Suddenly the phrase ‘men come and go but friends last forever’ loses all validity unless the next line goes ‘or until they get a man.’

Friends are together through the best of times and more importantly they stick around during the worst. We spend time with each other to keep from being alone. We share the pain of having no one yet fall apart so easily in the wake of having someone. I asked around and got a few insights on the subject.

Marcello, who has been in a long term relationship for seven years, said that single friends get jealous and the situation gets to a point where “the couple pretends like nothing has changed and the single friends are too stubborn to fight for a friendship they think is unwanted.”

My single friend Dan provided a cheesy yet funny observation because of the truth behind it. “Friends are boyfriends without the sex,” he said, “It’s like choosing between apples and oranges, but you’ll lose because you’re not offering the banana.”

To be fair, there is a flip-side to the situation. “I know of many cases where a relationship is spoiled because the partner cannot get between a friendship and can’t get to number one,” said John, also single.

A few weeks pass and I get no phone call from Andy nor do I call him. Whether I like it or not, the reality is he’s moved on to another stage in his life and I should be happy for him but I can’t help but hold a grudge. It will always feel like the first weeks in high school when your only friend leaves you for the ‘cooler’ kids and you realize you were merely a stepping stone.

So to all you coupled guys out there, pick up your phones and call a single friend you’ve been neglecting. We don’t hate you, we hate not having you in our lives. It’s a smart idea to keep in good contact with friends because when you break-up with your boyfriend we’re the first ones you’re going to come running to.

Sure I’m pissed off now, but if a good friend ever has to move back into his bachelor apartment after a break-up, I’ll be the first one there to help him move back in. That’s what friends are for. Ain’t no boyfriend can offer that.